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New rules for weddings during a pandemic

New rules for weddings during a pandemic

Fourth of July

We’ve now been in lockdown for over 100 days, due to the Corona virus (COVID-19), and things are beginning to slowly ease to allow the economy to kick start again (for now at least).

The fourth of July will be a monumental date for most of England as more things open up. But rather than a focus on independence, the day also marks the time that couples can start to tie the knot again.

Since 23rd March, weddings and civil partnerships have been banned in England due to lockdown. But from 4th July they can now take place again. However there will be a number of restrictions in order for these to be able to go ahead, providing they are safe and follow guidelines.

Photography by Squib Photography

The new guidance from the government on weddings and civil partnerships in England includes:

No more than 30 people in total at ceremony

This not only includes the couple, family and friends but also any suppliers, officiants and witnesses (but not including staff at the venue). Venues will keep a register of every visitor for at least 21 days for track and trace purposes. Some venues will be also be able to help with remote participation at home for those guests that can’t be there in person.

Photography by Squib Photography

No wedding receptions

At most, couples can hold a very small reception after the ceremony. Although this can be with only two households indoors, or up to 6 people from different households outdoors. Face to face seating is being discouraged. On the adverse, this could be a real money saving aspect as the reception is often the most expensive part of a wedding.

Photography by Squib Photography

No food and drink

Nothing is supposed to be consumed as part of the event. Meanwhile, there is some discussion at the moment about reducing vat on the hospitality industry sector (to only 5%) to encourage spending. All this will help the wedding budget and will help couples save up to possibly have a sequel wedding or separate reception next year or at another time.

Photography by Squib Photography

Not too long

The advice is to keep things to a minimum and mainly keep to the legal bits. The official bit is actually only about 10 minutes long. Any order of service should be one use and guests will be encouraged to take their sheets away with them.

Photography by Squib Photography

No walking down the aisle

Unless you live in the same household as your father, you may need to omit the tradition of walking down the aisle arm in arm. However, lockdown has certainly got people thinking more creatively, so I’m sure there will be some novel ways to be given away within social distancing rules. Look out for my alternative suggestions for this part of the ceremony coming soon.

Photography by Squib Photography

No singing

To avoid the spread of the virus via droplets, you can’t raise your voices to say your vows and one person is to speak at a time (or you may need Perpspex clear screens). Singing will not be allowed and instruments that are blown into aren’t permitted either. You are able to have organ music or you can use recordings instead. But you can not play loud music, as this would mean that people may need to shout to be heard or lean in to hear.

Photography by Squib Photography

Hand washing

On top of the usual advice, handwashing will be especially important before and after exchanging rings. And rings shouldn’t be handled by too many people either.

Photography by Squib Photography

Social distancing

Staying apart from people is still the key message and guests are advised to keep to the 2 metre rule (or 1 metre plus extra safety measures such as face masks or screens). Venues are being encouraged to improve their ventilation and to tape floors to help people keep their distance. Whilst you won’t have the stress of the seating plan at a reception, you may want to think about how and where people sit in the church or ceremony venue. Household/family groups could sit together closer than 2 metres, whilst others will need to be socially distanced from other households.

Photography by Squib Photography

No certainty

The biggest concern at the moment is the uncertainty of how long these types of measures will be in place. Lockdown could return (nationally or locally) at any time or restrictions could ease further. There is no knowing how long we will need to live with these rules. Some couples may be nervous and so may want more transparency and flexibility when booking. Couples need to have confidence to pay deposits and understand how contingency plans will be handled by venues and suppliers.

Photography by Squib Photography

Weddings during a pandemic

Weddings will look and feel very different for a little while and may not suit everyone. They will certainly be more intimate and personal. A limited guest list may ease some couples’ stresses whilst some of those with large families may be at a disadvantage.

Perhaps some will find weddings more clinical and less celebratory. A church service could feel more like a registry office style wedding, with just the legal bits and no singing.

Unless this is your only chance (due to ill health, work, forces or travel commitments) then what is a few months or a year to wait in the grand scheme of 40 or 50 years together? But if you are desperate to get married, then these are the types of restrictions that will have to be considered as the current norm.

Photography by Squib Photography

A break from tradition

However, perhaps these restrictions will focus couples on what a wedding really means to them. They will need to think about what is the most important part for them – whether that’s the ceremony, the start of a marriage, or a party and time to celebrate with friends and family.

This could be the time that wedding traditions change. This will challenge wedding traditions and force couples to think in new ways to hold their wedding. Suppliers and venues will need to adapt in order to survive.

So what does this mean for the future of weddings? At the moment, I keep coming back to the last scene of the third Back to the Future film. Doc Brown explains that the future hasn’t been written yet. ‘No one’s has. Your future is whatever you make it, so make it a good one. Both of you.’

Photography by Squib Photography

This is the chance to do things differently – your way.

I’d love to hear if you’re having a wedding in the next few months and how you’re creatively dealing with the restrictions.

Photography by Squib Photography

Images on this page taken by Squib Photography from Hanami Dream’s secret garden styled shoot at Cogges Manor Farm. See all the fabulous suppliers that were involved in this styled shoot.

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#UKWedLunch – Wednesday 29th March 2017 – wedding planning timeline

#UKWedLunch – Wednesday 29th March 2017 – wedding planning timeline

#UKWedLunch – Wednesday 29th March 2017

As well as general wedding planning chat, today we look at where are you on your wedding planning journey #UKWedLunch

JUST ENGAGED: Set the budget, date & guest list so you can pick a venue and planner #UKWedLunch

11-12 MONTHS TO GO: Book photographer, florist and caterer, pick your attendants, get insurance & think about decor #UKWedLunch

8-10 MONTHS TO GO: Book officiant and band, register for gifts, book honeymoon, buy dress & pick stationery #UKWedLunch

6-7 MONTHS TO GO: Pick cake, buy bridesmaids dresses, send save the date, trial hair and make up & taste menu #UKWedLunch

3-5 MONTHS TO GO: Book transport, hire suits, pick accessories, buy rings, order favours and decide on decor #UKWedLunch

1-2 MONTHS TO GO: Send invitations, finalise menu, write vows, confirm numbers, create seating plan & complete schedule #UKWedLunch

If you’d like a complete wedding planning timeline then please email info@www.hanamidream.co.uk for your copy #UKWedLunch

As well as general wedding planning chat, next week we will be looking at ‘modern alternatives to wedding traditions‘ #UKWedLunch

JOIN US EVERY WEDNESDAY! on Twitter between 1-2pm BST

 

#UKWedLunch – Wednesday 16th November 2016 – wedding vows

#UKWedLunch – Wednesday 16th November 2016 – wedding vows

#UKWedLunch – Wednesday 16th November 2016

As well as general wedding planning chat, there’s some #toptips as well. This week’s theme is ‘wedding vows’ #UKWedLunch

TOP TIP 1: Vows are promises rather than laws nowadays #UKWedLunch

TOP TIP 2: You can choose to use traditional vows including ‘obey’ and ‘worship’ #UKWedLunch

TOP TIP 3: Consider alternatives of ‘to love and to honour’ or ‘love and cherish’ #UKWedLunch

TOP TIP 4: In humanist or non-religious ceremonies you can personalise & write your own vows #UKWedLunch

TOP TIP 5: Make sure the vows you say are values & commitments you are willing to stand by #UKWedLunch

TOP TIP 6: Capture the twinkle in your eye as well as the sincerity in your heart #UKWedLunch

This week’s top tips taken from Hanami Dream blog ‘To love and to cherish’ with thanks to Humanist Ceremonies #UKWedLunch

JOIN US EVERY WEDNESDAY! on Twitter between 1-2pm GMT

Next week’s theme is ‘dietary requirements’ #UKWedLunch

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#UKWedLunch – Wednesday 16th November 2016 – wedding vows

To love and to cherish

We don’t have a television at the moment. After some building work before the summer we moved it and have never reinstated it. We haven’t missed it at all and what it has meant is that we only watch something that we really want to watch now (rather than flicking through channels if we are tired) or do other things instead.

I’ve taken to watching iPlayer whilst I cook and found some great period dramas over the summer to watch such as The Duchess of Devonshire, The Scandalous Lady W and Lady Chatterley’s Lover. I soon discovered that there’s a common thread through these and realised that all of these films made me feel really lucky to be a wife of this century. Plus along with the recent film release of Suffragette, I’m very grateful that I have choices and rights that my ancestors wouldn’t have had.

wagstaff wedding 1911

The vows I chose to make when I got married were promises rather than laws. I didn’t become the property of my husband and I chose not to ‘obey’ him in my vows. However a few centuries ago people didn’t have this same luxury. We live in a time when marriage is about partnership, lifelong companionship and equal rights.

The wording of the Church of England traditional wedding vows includes the bride promising to ‘obey’ and the groom vowing to ‘worship’ his wife. However some couples choose to leave out these words nowadays and alternatively choose ‘to love and to honour’ or ‘love and cherish’.

Traditional vows
‘I, (name), take you, (name)
to be my wife/husband,
to have and to hold
from this day forward;
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish,
till death us do part’

Traditional promises
Will you love her, comfort her, honour and protect her,
and, forsaking all others,
be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?

Whilst traditional vows still hold a lot of meaning, relevance and importance, we are also able to choose to make those vows more personal depending on the type of ceremony. Especially in humanist or non-religious ceremonies where you can personalise and express yourself completely when writing your own vows. Whilst sometimes the amount of choices we have in life can be overwhelming, I remain grateful that we have choices.

Over the past four years, Zena Birch has worked very closely with couples to help them create their own personal vows to go alongside or precede more traditional ring vows. Here are some of her top tips for writing your own vows.

In a humanist ceremony instead of holding themselves accountable to a god or a deity, couples are actually asking those gathered to hold them accountable as they witness their public declarations. Therefore the words they say as they make their vows and their promises to each other are more important than ever.

In today’s age it is possible to live very happily together without getting married, so when a couple decide to take this extra step it is a deeply personal commitment. Your vows are to be celebrated every year you manage to uphold them, but they should also be the words that hold you fast when times get difficult and as such it is important that the vows you say to each other are made up of the values and commitments you are willing to stand by.

My couples and I work together to discover just what those words/promises might be. It can be very daunting – faced with a blank page and some of the most important words you are ever going to say, so the advice I tend to give is to make sure they:

  • sound like you, they should have your tone of voice, they should be authentic – if you tease each other, there is no harm in an element of this being reflected within your vows, this is just as important as a sense of solemnity. Capturing the twinkle in your eye as well as the sincerity in your heart is key.
  • reflect what you have both agreed to commit to one another. Although many couples decide to say their vows as a surprise to each other on the day, it is important that the process involved in creating them is shared so that they are in agreement with their core values.
  • Enjoy creating them!

We are lucky to live in an era where our own words hold validity. Writing your own wedding vows is a very enriching experience and one which can really help lay the foundations needed for a long and joy filled marriage.

For more information on a humanist ceremony go to www.zenabirch.com or contact zenabirchweddings@gmail.com

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